The best conversation I ever had...

The number you have dialled is busy,please stay on line or try after sometime.This is what I heard evertime I tried to call.Maybe I had tried for about three hours at a stretch.Hats off to my patience!!And finally I lost my patience and gave up the idea of trying again.I knew I had to handle it all by myself..You must be wondering to whom I was trying to call up so damn desperately..Hmmm let me tell you ‘He’ is not a person like you or me.Infact I don’t know how He looks,wat he eats,nothing.But I am sure about one thing He never wastes time over orkut and facebook like you or me.Sorry I have been perhaps blabbering all hogwash stuffs now back to the topic.Anyways I thought of giving just a last try might get lucky!And finally I heard a sweet voice on the other side.

I: Hello..Is this H E A V E N??
The sweet voice:Yes
I: May I talk to God??Is He free now?
The sweet voice: No He is actually busy on another call,a girl from earth has called up.God is busy solving her problems.
I: huh..okay!
And the phone was disconnected.I could not help wondering what made God talk to her and not to me.I also belong to the same disgusting place having so many “varieties”of problems.Yet He did not talk to me.I did not know when I fell asleep with flooded eyes.
I found myself exploring untrodden paths full of hurdles.Everthing had become cold,the night air wet on my lips.At I distance I saw a light it was not a flashing one but a flickering one.Suddenly all that mattered to me was the light the hurdles did not matter anymore.I went nearer and nearer to it don’t know how and why.The nearer I went the more better I felt.I found myself standing infront of a narrow beam of light.You would not believe but the light spoke to me.Yes!!I heard a clear,soothing and grave voice.I had never heard a more clear voice before.He did not have to introduce himself because I knew who He was.He was the one whom I had been trying to call the whole evening.

I: Hello God
GOD: Hello my child
I: So finally I got to talk to you..why this late?I cried for the whole evening,banged my head but you were not there when I needed you.
GOD: what makes you feel that I was not there when you needed me?I can provide you with a boat or cannoe to cross a river but I cannot row it for you.You have to learn to paddle it all by yourself.That is the way it has to be.

I: If you were there then why was it so painful?why do I suffer?
GOD: What you call pain and suffering is a part and parcel of life.You have to learn to accept whatever happens.
I: Does that mean I should just let the grass grow under my feet?
GOD: Remember you are born to live,do not live because you are born!Dont go the way life takes you,take life the way you go.But you should have the guts to face the consequences and accept whatever happens.You are wholly responsible for whatever happens,and what you become.Learn to be a fighter not a loser.And first you be the change that you want to see in the world around you..

I: But why have I been sent to earth?Is there any purpose?If yes,then what is mine?
GOD: Yes,every person on earth has his own purpose.It is upto you to find out your own priorities and purpose in life.Ask yourself you will definitely get the answer.

I: Why is it that you did not receive my call today?You solved that other girl’s problem and why not mine?
GOD: My dear little girl.You are my favourite angel right??That is what you call yourself ‘God’s favourite angel’ isnt it?I knew that my strongest favourite angel can handle her problems,besides I am always watching over you.There are people around who were in greater need at that time,their problems were much more bigger.Your problems seem bigger to you only because they are your own.Remember life is all about learning to dance in the rain rather than waiting for the storm to pass by.

I: Am I really your favourite angel?I have a wish, will you fulfill it?
GOD: What is it my dear?
I: I want to become a real angel,the one with those white wings,white dress,lovely crown and the magical wand.
GOD: Why is it that you want to become such an angel?you are an angel now..
I: I want to be a free bird not a caged one.I want to fly.I want to have those wings.I want to have that magical wand so that when you are busy solving somebody’s problem I can help out some other girl like me whose call will be on waiting.
GOD: Hmmm I cannot grant you that wish now.But I promise to keep that for some other day maybe on the Judgement day if I feel that you actually deserve it.

I: But why is it that my problems seem to be a penelope’s web?
GOD: Life is not just about the rising sun but the setting sun as well.You cannot be unfair to life just by loving its brighter side and ignoring the darker ones.Everything happens for a reason.Someday you will also understand it.
I: when will that day come?
GOD: Few things you will gradually learn and understand in your lifetime and the rest you will understand in heaven.Heaven is the place to understand life on earth,why things happened to you.

I: But what about the things that we lose and sacrifice?Do we get them back in heaven?
GOD: sacrificing and losing are two different terms.Sacrifice is a part of life.It is supposed to be.It is not something to regret or try to get back.Sacrificing means just passing on something precious to someone else.And about losing something is life well for everything you have lost,you have gained something else,and for everything you gain you lose something else.Its about your outlook towards life,you can either rejoice or regret it.

I: Why is it that in the worst of my times I don’t have anyone to stand by me??I feel damn lonely at such times,nobody understands me.How will I plough a lonely furrow?
GOD: At times all a human being needs is a hand to hold and a heart to understand.The most difficult phase in life is not when nobody understands you but its when you don’t understand yourself.The world will never stop for your grief when your heart is broken.Life will always move on and you have to move on with it.Its better for you stop depending much on others.You are not the only person who has experienced such emotions and feelings.There is a phase in everybody’s life when they have to appear tests.Its all about how you face it,your attitude to wards your problems.Learn to rise even in your most difficult time,just like a phoenix from its ashes.You are wholly responsible for what you become.I am getting late now anything more you want to ask??

I: Thank you for this wonderful lesson.I don’t have anymore questions.
GOD: Remember one thing be a good human being...

The light vanished and I was back in my room.I just have to handle my own life and what about God??He handles so many lives!!truely His job is definitely more complex and tough.

The last page of my notebook

While undergoing a self introspection,many things flow across my mind.A few things I have become addicted to in these years which some find weird and some funny yet interesting.One such habits of mine (infact many must have had this)is scribbling down everything on the last pages of my notebook.

Whenever any thought comes to my mind,
I write it on the last page of my notebook.

Whenever I find the lectures boring,
I play games,whether its bingo or housie,
draw pictures,whether cartoons or designing my own fashion wardrobe,
plan my hangouts or any idiotic crap with friends,
Just everything on the last page of my notebook.

When I am hurt or heartbroken,
the last page of my notebook patiently absorbs my tears.

When I feel like falling for him,
I share my feelings with the last page of my notebook.

When I am angry with someone and want to flood my anger,
I use the last page of my notebook.

When I am really wrong and need to confess,
I confess to the last page of my notebook.

When I want to remember a few things told by my teacher,
I discuss it with the last page of my notebook.

When I solve any puzzles riddles or mathematical calculations,
the last page of my notebook helps me with it.

Whenever I plan to study,
the last page of my notebook reminds me my study schedule.

Whenever I wish upon the stars,
I share it with the last page of my notebook.

Between calculus questions,test dates,English quotes,
so many baffled calculations,so much of funny hogwash conversations,
the last page of my notebook reveals a few personal lessons taught by life,
a few dark secrets,a few funny incidents,a few sleepless nights,
a few childish pranks,a few dreams,a few nightmares and lots more….

Unknowingly and silently perhaps it has become my dearest buddy
Listens to me unquestioningly.
Absorbs my tears without grumbling.
Understands me silently.
Strongly believes in my dreams,
no matter how silly they may seem.
The last page of my notebook
accepts me the way I am....

Dreams....

You are the disarrayed fragments of the jigsaw puzzle
meant to be arranged and solved by me,
keeping in view of the image
which flashes by in my mind.

You make me believe,
where they doubt.
You make me work,
where they refuse.
You make me smile,
where they cry.
You make me stay,
where they quit.
You make me stand,
where they fall.
You help me survive,
where they break down.

You make me accept the failures of life
without disappointment.
You make me pay a deaf ear
to their hokums.

You are the mild rain drops
on the barren land of my life...
you are the strength to fight
every single strife of my life...

you are the hope
which wakes me up every morning.
you are the wings of freedom
which lets me touch the sky.

I run through cloaking mist,
path paved with thorns,
enduring the pain with a silent tear
yet a million dollar smile
flashing through miles..
thinking of the moment with you
I will cherish throughout...

You are the very reason of my existence,
you reside in my eyes,
you are safe in my heart,
you are the very purpose of my life
I am here just to chase you,
My dreams....

memories!

I am your past,
I am your present,
I am your future.
I am the permanent shadow,
who is always behind you.

I walk by you
through bright sunny days,
when you dance around singing merrily..
at the top of your voice.
Through cold blue nights,
when you wake up
completely shaken and shouting
at the top of your voice!


I stand by you
When you watch the lovely stars at night..
When you feel the evening breeze pass by you...


I make u cry
I make you regret
I make you smile
I make you laugh
I make you hate yourself
I make you love yourself

You lock me up,
throw away the key.
You cover me up,
hide me from everyone,
yet I do live in your heart.
You think am dead.
But am alive within you
and will always be.
Even after you leave this world,
I will not leave you.

Ten years from now......
One fine morning,
When you will be busy with your life
Long working hours,
No more classes and boring lectures
No more friends
No time for yourself
When you will look outside the window...
You will find me there...
You will get a smile,
With tears in your eyes....
You will turn back to your work
Again trying to ignore me....
But you will miss me like hell!

I will walk with you till the last day of your life.
I will stand by you even on the judgement day.

I am not your life
I am just a part of your life
I am what you have named me
MEMORIES!

I am what I am!

I am the dream,
they hate to chase.

I am the puzzle
they hate to solve.

I am the word,
they hate to understand.

I am the untrodden path,
they hate to explore.

I am the memory,
they hate to cherish.

I am the feeling,
they hate to feel.

I am the light,
they hate to see.

I am the sound,
they hate to hear.

I am the smile,
they hate to wear.

I am the story,
they hate to read.

I am the silence,
they hate to bear.

I am the hope,
they hate to aspire for.

Yet I want to be the inspiration,
that I would love to aspire for.

I am someone
they FAIL to understand.

Yet they HATE to
Use the word FAIL!

unending journey through darkness

I kept running through that long unending dark path, fled through thick fog ,through a haunted country without landmarks,thick with cold cloaking mist,peopled with clutching ghosts and shadows,standing again amid stillness,my heart was hammering,the night air wet on my lips, panic howling through my heart like a cold wind. All that mattered to me in the world was completely lost in this cold weird isolated environment,I did not stop I still kept running,flying blindly not knowing where,driven by a nameless dread,seeking in the grey mist for the safety that lay somewhere.All confused and scared I longed for a warm touch,a ray of hope.I ran like a crazy person but did not know where.Somewhere,somewhere in this wild land of moist stillness,there was a refuge!There was something hidden in the mist I badly needed that.Once I get there I will be safe.Nothing will haunt me.I will be free…my lungs almost bursting yet I kept running.Not caring a bit for my tired injured legs.Longing to have a warm and peaceful sleep. Will I get that something hidden in the mist? When will this dreadful unending journey through darkness be over?

love!

If you are looking for love, would you recognize it if you found it?
Can you tell the difference between love and infatuation?
Between love and attraction?
Between love and friendship?

Quite confusing right???And specially when it comes to true love…
How many of us know what it is???Atleast am sure I don’t know what it is.
Something like a ghost,many people talk about it but hardly 2% lucky people know what it is.But if I were to define love then this is how I am going to….. but I don't think anyone can explain it, love is not something that can be explained it is a feeling to be felt,not something to be expressed in words…many believe love is when you die for a person but I completely disagree with this.I believe love is all about living for someone,love is all about being there for each other though ups and downs,love is something which makes you smile when you are tired,a hand across your shoulder when the whole world seems to have turned against you,a patient ear to listen when you could no more tolerate your frustration,loving eyes which understand everything even when you are silent,a smile which gives you hope,an inspiration and encouragement which makes you come alive,a warm hug just to make you feel secure,its when you miss someone badly even in the company of your best friends,its when you remember someone just by listening to your favourite romantic song,its all about holding hands and walking along the sea beach one fine evening without uttering a word and let silence speak,a kiss on the forehead just to make you feel that you are special,its when someone hurts you and you are completely mad at him yet you don’t yell at him because you know that’s going to hurt his feelings,its about waiting for someone for hours hopelessly hoping against hope just to see that person’s smile,its when you want someone to be happy even if his happiness means that you aren’t a part of it,a strong shoulder to cry on,a feeling of togetherness,understanding and trust…its all about being there for each other forever and always…..
Well still I know this is an incomplete definition perhaps the day I finally understand the meaning I will be able to explain it the way it should be!