Fidgety Space

I woke up this morning all smiling. It was nothing, just a message. It did not make anything all right; it was just a small favour. A kind gesture that made me smile. It made me happy. Oh yea I love him!! I wish I could keep a count on the number of times I dial his number and disconnect it just because my hands tremble and the number of times I tell myself “just relax and take a deep breath.” I cannot ignore the butterflies in my stomach when I think of him. And once in a blue moon when his name flashes on my phone ……calling my heart skips so many beats. The only time I felt my name sounds good was the only time I heard him call my name. Sometimes he speaks and I am lost. I don’t know if his words make sense I just listen to his voice and get lost in it like a 13 year old school girl. . Maybe now I know what it means when they say “he took my breath away.”  I wonder if the blind winged cupid has shot his arrow at me.  I ask myself of all people why him? Why fall for someone yo

As much as I hate to admit it, I am glad my first teddy bear was not bought from any store but I inherited it from the person who I remember being the first one to pull my cheeks. Even I have an old photograph showing him pulling my cheeks with the sole objective of teasing and irritating me. And the teddy bear still remains a prized possession maybe that is the reason why while donating my old toys I did not part with it though it is now physically a bit handicapped. I am glad I am not an only child but having an elder brother like him sometimes confuses me “Am I adopted?” He being a perfectionist and I being just the opposite.  I grew up aping him in every possible way. I cannot even draw a straight line without a ruler and yet I took part in painting and drawing competitions only because he is a great painter. Someway or the other I tried my best to be like him. If he drew or painted something I would try my best to copy it. It would never be like the original one. If it

“Arey!!Long time! You still look the same..So when is your son getting married?”  This is definitely not something that I am going to ask a friend 30 40 years from now if I happen to bump into him or her at a shopping mall. But this is what a lady asked my mom and she happens to be my mom’s friend and I don’t know how good friends they are or rather were but definitely they had met after ages. And she continues with her blabbering “these days it is so hard to find single nice girls, every other girl has a boyfriend. So better hurry up! Find a beautiful daughter in law. But it is always a relief if your children themselves select their partners that is a relief and sometimes a headache but definitely relieves us from the headache of hunting for a well settled and educated son in law and a beautiful daughter in law. Arey she is your daughter?? She is so slim!!What does she do? When will she get married?” And the next question is directly fired at me “so you have a boyfriend?”  You ser

As a kid I fancied spectacles, people wearing them amused me. Then there was a misconception that people wearing glasses are intellectuals, they have damaged their eyes by studying. I wished to be in that category but little did I know back then that I was being fooled. If I wear spects I will be termed as a genius. Even the parle-G kids “g=genius” used to wear those cute nerdy glasses sometimes. Once a dream , now a need. People using glasses are definitely talented, whether the two nerds winning the bournvita quiz competition or the singing sensation on the music competition (no idea how singing spoilt his/her eyes). Reading ‘My experiments with truth’ at the age of 9 never seemed like an achievement rather it created another misconception “Great men always wear spectacles.” Wait! I am not a great Gandhi fan just that my mom fooled me back then talking about freedom fighters,the Satyagraha moment and blah blah and made him a hero in my mind .. It was during my 10 th ICSE boards

“So how much are they going to pay you?” a friend asked me the day I joined office. This question made me realize I actually did not know how much they were going to pay me.                                         “I don’t know I never asked them, stipend is the last thing I am concerned about. I am joining there to learn, to gain as much knowledge and experience as possible.”  1 year later: You lose Rs 100 per day per leave. Our response :You can keep our whole stipend. Jitna toh dete ho! Huh! At the client's office: Client : So how much are they paying you??       Me: Negligible!! He laughs and says “I know that is why I did not join CA .” Me: What?You did not join CA because of the articleship stipend?? Again he laughs his unique ahahahhah :\   Client: No, I did not like the idea of being slogged and tortured for free for more than 3 years in the name of articleship and then appear for exams which you are not even certain of passing, so I pursued CFA. I d

It is never a good feeling to be lying on the bed for the whole day with a hot water bottle popping pills and feeling sorry for yourself. It is one of those curl up and die days. I am not sure which part of my body hurts more. At around 3am I wake up freezing despite the blanket and the sweater and wonder if Damon actually can kill people in their sleep and if yes then it is the correct time he can do it now. It felt like death had chewed me up, ran over me like a freight train and is back for a second round.  All this meant I was going to miss my morning class and I did miss it. It was not a good feeling to miss even one class of Forex. And ofcourse it meant no office aswell. But I did want a break from office and classes. And how much I missed my early morning sleep! But this is not exactly the way I thought I would get a break. Having breakfast, lunch and dinner on bed, something I perhaps missed. But these days I hardly get time for lunch at home forget having it on bed. Sle