LOL wala Government Job!! :-O

In this one year of work experience as an articled assistant I have realised there are three kinds of people- the first kind work because they like to work, the second kind work because they have to work or maybe forced to work  and the third kind work because others are working(they don’t like lagging behind). And trust me the third category consists mostly of girls :-P (neither they are forced to work nor are they interested but “hum kisi se kam nahi”) Then I have come across another category consisting of people who “work and do not work. “  You must be wondering what I meant by work and do not work.., well in their case work is rather a relative term, they normally do stuffs that is not really included in normal course of work but those are the stuffs that you find them doing most of the time. Hence they work and they do not work. And the people in this category are always satisfied with their job. Rescission never affects their job, they don’t get nightmares about pink slips, they don’t have deadlines to meet, they never have to spend sleepless nights on work, they can draw salary advance any time they wish, they can get leave anytime they wish, they are not bound by a particular office timing, they can come and go anytime they wish and they always have the “work is bliss” expression on their face. Wait did I forget the allowances?? Well yes they have every type of allowances you can think of. Welcome to Government Office!! Maybe these are the reasons why there is always a craze for government jobs.  Whatever I am going to write about government offices here do not really apply to all the government offices, but definitely the majority falling under this category belong to my State ofcourse :P (I mean no disrespect)

                 I really had some LOL experiences with Government clients. The first day I stepped into a Government office I was greeted with “they have sent a girl!!” The first thing I wanted to do then was punch the person hard on his face and say “yes look they have sent a girl!” But then I told myself ignorance is bliss! In this one year I have literally mugged up three lines “take it as an experience” “ignorance is bliss” and “patience”  Trust me it works J  Anyways no free gyan sessions over here let us get back to the place where I realised old men stalk more than young guys. The moment you enter till the moment you leave you find curious eyes following you everywhere. Your mind starts singing “mud mud k na dekh mud mud ke.”  But then you realise what can a person do when all he does is sit at a place and do literally nothing. If you reach the office at 10am it is like early morning for them you will rarely find anyone in the office.  As I said earlier they don’t have any particular workings hours or timing they come and leave as per their convenience. Their convenience might even mean coming at 12.30 pm and leaving at 3.30 pm which includes atleast one hour lunch break.  Initially you feel like all noble people work here for social causes like live green, they love trees that is why they save papers. Sometimes you cannot even take a print out of a trial balance and if the trial balance is of more than 5 pages (normally it is more than 5) you will get a look as if you just murdered 6 sheets of papers(or maybe trees that makes more sense), you are  a criminal. Ask them for one sheet of paper and they will ask you to write a requisition for that one sheet of paper. Again you need a paper to write a requisition. Most of your days will be spent on writing requisitions for files, ledgers, vouchers and sometimes even for a computer system or even for a chair to sit. Then you realise they don’t believe in the save paper save trees concept. When you write a requisition for a particular thing you have to make two copies one for them another your back up proof whatever. Your trial balance printout is a waste of 6 7 papers but the number of requisitions for every damn thing is never a waste!!

                  How can I miss the dear ladies working in a Government Office?! You really cannot make out much difference between them and a housewife. They come after 12.30 pm and you will rarely find them in the office after 3.30 pm. And in between their so called working hours they have important personal calls to make from the office phone. Their conversation might include star plus soaps to weddings, bitching and what not. Sometimes you might even find these aunties stalking you. That is the last thing you want there being stalked by women L  You might even come across some aunty who would ask you your bio data, give you free tips on maintaining flawless skin and then say “I am in search of a girl of your height for my son.” You stare at her with a blank expression. Never in your wildest dreams would you have imagined being indirectly proposed by a woman on behalf of her son!!  It is even more hilarious when these aunties ask you questions like “are you done with Sir’s internal audit??you were auditing him na?” oh yea I was internally auditing him!!These are the ROFL moments when you cannot help laughing right there on their face. During the lunch hour you hear live conversation and this time some of the uncles in the office join them. Their topic of discussion will either drive you crazy or sick. The ancestral property they could not inherit, the number of trees in their garden, the reason why they cannot pluck all the vegetables, the number of flowers that blossomed on their trees (they should rather be counting the number of mushrooms blossoming on their heads). Their debate consists of topics like kissan pineapple jam is made of papaya!

              You might even find people dozing off at any hour of the day. Your reaction “God unsophisticated people working in a sophisticated office!” But even the offices are not always classy or sophisticated. Sometimes the ceiling, fan and the walls might remind you of a black and white movie. There might even be a place inside the office used for spitting. You might even get to see dogs coming out of the office. And nobody really bothers as if it is very much normal for the dog to pay them a visit.  Did I miss out their ringtones?? Whenever someone’s phone rings your face might turn into the whatsapp surprised shocked smiley!!  And almost everyone out there would pronounce loan as “loon.”  And there will be days when you find garment exhibition right inside the office the seller would rarely have any buyers but definitely a large number of so called interested buyers will be present. You would wonder if your teacher ever told you that you were worse than a fish market then what would she tell them?! :O And it is worse when you are addressed as “stri loko” by someone.

            Sometimes they make work easier; you don’t get shocked to see their vast expenses on internet. You don’t have to bang your suspicious head on how they spend lakhs on internet expenses every month. When every employee is so much addicted to facebook and youtube and you are a witness to their addiction. Their day starts with star plus soaps on youtube and ends with colours. Almost every day atleast 30 to 40% of the employees must be on leave. Some or the other department must be closed. And at the end of the month they get a very “happy wala pay. “

            So is it the reason why people opt for government jobs?  Despite all the feel good provisions how many youngsters would like to get into such an environment? How many would like to work in such a culture? Change is a word that perhaps would never have any existence in such environment. But the craze for Government jobs will always remain the same.