A Day Like No Other Or Just Another Day!!

The first thing I saw when I opened my eyes this morning was ofcourse my phone. But it said Bestie calling. The day started with talking over conference with bestie and kindergarten friend. I sat on the bed yawning, talking and finally listening to them. The phone got disconnected. I could hear mom shouting at me “atleast try waking up at 9”. So instead of calling them back I busied myself in arranging the bed and wondering why I am doing this, in a couple of hours it will be as messy as it is now. The books, the laptop, the kindle, the phone along with the charger and my spectacle all scattered on the bed. Most of the time I sleep off holding books (hoping for a knowledge transfer through osmosis) and I am too lazy to get up and put the laptop where it is supposed to be kept. So the best is to let them accompany me on bed. The phone rang again with both of them all freaked out “what the hell? When did you disconnect the call? You okay?” The conversation ended in a minute as one was about to sleep, another getting ready for work and I had to brush.

The maids had not turned up and mom was at her ultra hyper mood. I realized I brushed daily twice but I had forgotten how my toothpaste tastes like. Those were the days when you first tasted the toothpaste ate it up and then brushed. Sigh! Maid 1 arrived and I felt like she was running a marathon. She informed mom that she won’t be coming for two days because she has guests to entertain at home. And the argument started about leaves for no reason :P and lastly she said we should be happy that she atleast informed us, she isn’t informing the other houses where she works. Maid 2 entered just at that moment. She was three hours late. She had an interesting story to share. Apparently she had to work extra at somebody’s place this morning. The old lady became a grandmother this morning. She wanted the house to be neat and clean before her son and daughter in law arrive home with the baby girl. But what she said next was shocking. “Didi I asked her for sweets. She said it’s a daughter not a son! Why should I give sweets for a daughter? I am not happy.” I shouted “what??!!Seriously??!!” Maid 1 had dropped a plate and said “daughters are way better than sons.” I was like how could that woman be so sick?! Maid 2 told me “that’s how it is..My husband left me because I gave him 4 daughters..”

I gulped down cornflakes complaining that cerelac could have been better. Then I busied myself dating my books. I was focussing on return filing and assessment when I got lost somewhere with my eyes closed and head over the books I went off to hibernation. I visited dreamland. There were bunch of weird people a robot, a pikkachoo, a monkey and so many more.. I was trying to study and they didn’t let me. Lastly I turned into a bunny. No idea how I got a bunny rabbit attire! I was in a classroom with so many unknown people and characters and I was asked to jump wearing that pink white bunny rabbit attire and I did. And when I asked the teacher for marks for my bunny jumping whoever that masked person was simply left. L And I woke up and saw partner in crime’s message “I am depressed..Let’s run away from here...no studies no work no boys nothing..just alone..I can’t do anything..deleted instagram and whatsapp..everything is frustrating..” I replied “We need money for that..nothing comes free in this world..not even depression it costs a lot too.. like your happiness.. anyways study.. there is no other option..”

I got back to books. An hour later I was back in dreamland but this time I was flying and the aircraft flew downwards instead of upwards directly into a water body. I wished I had taken my swimming classes seriously. I kept telling myself don’t let this water enter your body just try and keep floating. I reached an island. Pretty beautiful it was! And I woke up shouting I hate my life. Few minutes later mom shouted lunch. Shit I had to take a shower!

I broke my nail. So I ended up wasting 20 minutes to cut and shape the rest of my nails :\ Since I had already wasted 20 minutes on my nails I thought of wasting few more minutes on my hair which I hadn’t combed since two days. I seriously forget to pamper them unless I am going out. I asked mom money for my haircut.

Mom: I gave you money on your birthday!
I protest back "that is called savings!!” I took money from her bag and simply informed her.
She shouted back “your top gets shorter with age!"
Me: Ofcourse it has to!!
Mom: wear a  long top..
 Me: don’t have any.. gimme money I need new clothes!!I need new shoes too!                                                                                                                                                                                

We need to wash your hair first.. And all of a sudden I remembered I have to study.. I replied “let it be I think I will come tomorrow or day after..” finally I got back home with two painful scratches made by a thread on my eyebrows. Nothing comes free of cost these days not even good eyebrows!! How difficult it is to be a woman! Sigh!

I switch off my phone and start romancing books. After few minutes mom came to my room with bournvita :D she asked me to accompany her to a neighbour’s birthday party.. some six year old kid.. My first reaction was “they have a kid?”

Mom: ofcourse they have..

Me: I have to study..Why did you even ask me?

Mom: Fine don’t go study.. if you have to study then don’t watch “Ramayan” utilize those 30 minutes too

Me: that reminds me what is the difference between daanav, maanav and asura?

Mom: Devlok with Devdutt Patnaik is better than my star plus soaps right??Then ask Mr Patnaik

Few minutes later dad asked me to get his medicines. I still don’t understand why these doctors didn’t practise handwriting in school. I asked dad to write it down on a paper because I didn’t have much hope from the chemist either. What if he fools me? Atleast I should be able to understand the names. The moment I got out of the house I saw books on the road. Yes books!! School books scattered on the road!! Who does that? My neighbours! And mom wanted me to visit their birthday party? People who throw books on roads are not worth anything. The only thing I perhaps like about my neighbours is their dog.  The guy at the medicine store gave me strepsils instead of change. I returned back the strepsils and he gave me vicks. I returned back the same and demanded money. He doesn’t have ten rupees change? Are you kidding me? Finally the poor guy had to take out the 10 rupees note and unwillingly handed it over to me.

I was back to my small little world of books when the kid from work pinged “What happened to your hot dps??I am tired of seeing your sarcastic dps :\

Me: I am no more hot! I speak sarcasm :P so bear with it!! How are preparations? All over? :P

He: Ghanta over! Yours?

Me: Ghanta not over :P

I did waste another 30 minutes watching Ramayan sorry modern Ramayan (Siya k Ram :P ) I wasted another 30 minutes eating dinner and stalking a hot guy on tv. And lastly I spent another 30 minutes writing this piece (not sure if I wasted) and you are wasting maybe 10 minutes of your day reading this.

Few minutes back I looked at the dark sky, felt the cold wind.. and got lost..Sometimes the universe inside me spills out a little; sometimes it’s heavy to carry but its okay...I believe this too shall pass..I tell myself just a few more days ...relax! I messaged partner in crime “Lets run away…I wana live in Ladakh in some monastery and become a monk..” Then I laughed and told myself my heart still beats and fights…even if the moment hurts I am not supposed to fall victim to its pain..I am just doing fine..meanwhile keep calm and love books… The adopted dog barked wagged its tail and licked my foot.. these four legged creatures are truly a therapy..

Enough of time wastage I need to get back wooing my love of life, my darling books! Have a good night unlike mine :\ 

Movie Date!!

The good thing about birthday is that it comes only once in a year and bad thing is again the same i.e. it shows up only once in a year. You realize you are one year closer to death, you are getting older. That’s Birthday realization. And none of us like being reminded of our age. Age is not just a number it is more than that, it is a three lettered word. It is that one day in the whole year when people on your facebook list realize you exist, unless you are very much active on facebook. It is that one day in the year you can term it as “your day!” That’s birthday pampering.

Anyways let’s get to the point now. This year I thought I would do something different on my birthday. I had not celebrated my birthday since two years because I was studying (I am still studying) and I didn’t have company to celebrate it with. So this year I thought enough is enough! I should pamper myself. Do whatever I wish to, even if it means doing alone. I do go out shopping, window shopping all alone. I totally enjoy it. I even go and sit at bookstores alone for hours sipping coffee or tea. It’s a complete blissful experience. I stalk people(not like a stalker), look around,  listen to people talking, read a book, or simply talk to the voices in my head. And it is fun.

Just before a week to my birthday I had this conversation with a friend.

Me: Meet me on my bday!!

Spikey: Why? What do you plan to do?

Me: No idea! Will think of something…will eat mud chocolate pastry

Spikey: That you can do any day…do something fun ..what were you doing now?

Me: studying

Spikey: oh you are still Hemione Granger!! Cmon Granger show me you are fun..I will come only if you plan something fun.. what do you wana do on your bday?

Me: Go to orphanage?

Spikey: I said fun!!

Me: suggest something..what do you wana do?

Spikey: I have fun all the time..You  tell me what do you wana do?

I thought and thought and thought and decided the next time someone asks me “show me you are fun” I will simply say “I am Hermione Granger.”

Me: Lets go gokarting..laser tagging,.,,what say?

Spikey: hmmmmmmmm sounds good..

Perhaps it didn’t impress him. Hence he didn’t even bother wishing me on my birthday. K

So finally I decided I would take myself out on a date, a movie date. Watch a movie all alone with strangers!

The first person who had a problem with my watching a movie alone was ofcourse my mom. “Movie alone? Ask someone to join you.”

But where do I find that someone?

Finally she agreed. My brother had one question “alone?mom allowed?”

Then I told a friend “hey I am going to watch Neerja tomorrow all alone.” His response “why where’s your bestie? “

Another friend asked “your brother allowed??” :O

My kindergarten friend 1 : Don’t worry dude! It’s totally okay to watch a movie alone. I watched spiderman all alone in Goa.

Kindergarten friend 2:  That sounds cool! You can eat alone too!

My cousin : why are doing this to yourself??Its your bday!! Why are you going alone?And Neerja??okay go ahead cry alone on your birthday!!

Another friend “movie alone? Well that’s good. See Neerja akeli itna kuch karli. You can watch a movie alone. That should be your inspiration.”

Bestie: Neerja on Bday?That's too alone! okay let me know how it goes..

Soul sister “sup dude? You at the movie? Alone? Why??why didn’t you take uncle aunty along with you? Okay I will wish you later then.bye .”

I didn’t feel like I was alone. Though there wasn’t anyone sitting next to me. A vacant seat is not that disturbing. What disturbed me was the bunch of giggling girls munching popcorn at the back. They loved to talk, laugh and eat. I am sure they can find better places to do that. They did everything except watching the movie. And the guy at my front was busy with temple run the whole time. I wonder why he even came. He didn’t look at the screen even once. He was engrossed in the game holding the phone so high that I could see it. I watched the movie and I wasn’t a bit bored. The 20 minutes intermission kills though. I did have the option to get a coke or coffee. Or maybe go to the washroom. If you are girl even if you don’t need to pee you still can go to the washroom in the intermission and wait in a queue for your turn to look into the mirror and brush your hair and touch up your make up. I wasn’t carrying a hair brush or a lipstick or even a lip gloss. But I was carrying a CA book in my little cute matching backpack. I had even forgotten to wear new clothes for my birthday.Why? Because I didn’t want to, simply didn’t feel like. I stayed back tolerating the nonsense commercials on the screen and smartphones are a saviour. Finally the long 20-25 minutes passed. People around had started crying. I started questioning myself why wasn’t I crying?Am I heartless? I could actually hear people crying. Finally I became a little bit teary eyed. And I told myself I am not heartless :P I enjoyed watching the movie alone. I can watch movies alone :D

I had to make few calls. People who I couldn’t talk to when I was at the movie.

The first call I made was like this “What? Movie alone?Why?which movie?Neerja? You are already a feminist. Of all things in the world why did you watch neerja today?How many people are lucky to have birthdays on Saturdays? There is so much more to do on a Saturday than watching a movie alone on your birthday. Please don’t do this again.Go and party!”

I wish he understood Saturday and Mondays are the same for people like me. :|

The next three reactions were the same “movie?alone? why??why didn’t you take aunty?”

Another reaction “well you always wanted to do things alone!!that’s a good start.”

Nothing can beat the last reaction of the day. “Dude seriously?you went to the movie alone? CA insaan ko kya se kya banadeta hai. You are an apt example..why didn’t you ask duckie to accompany you? She was studying? Yaar CA insaan ko kya banadeta hai!!”

Me:yehi jeevan hai!

He: I will be 24 next month! Kya zindegi hai!

Me: don’t remind me of age..I just turned a year older today.. saari jawani CA ko de daali..

He: Yeh jawani hai Sadwani! But haan CA insaan ko kya se kya banadeta hai!I see your updates on facebook AK is interested in Leh Ladakh trips..

Me: Yes I so badly want to go and live in a monastery there..maybe become a monk. You know CA insaan ko kya se kya bana deta hai :P

I went off to sleep asking myself one question would you like to watch a movie alone again? Answer was obvious “why not?” :P

If You Could Remember Me Now..

It was still dawn when I stepped out of the cab and walked towards the entry gate of the Delhi airport. The early morning February air was pleasantly cold.

I was travelling to Bengaluru to attend a college friend's wedding. It had been four years since we graduated from the same college. This wedding was also going to be a reunion of our batchmates. But what I didn't know was that the reunion would begin much ahead of time; right in the queue in front of the airline counter.

I was almost sure it was she. Same height! Same long hair! Same complexion! Curiosity had my eyes glued to her. And then about 60-odd seconds later, when she turned, she proved me right. My ex-girlfriend stood two places ahead of me in that queue. We had never met after the college farewell.

I stood like a fool looking at her unable to understand my own reaction. When we parted our ways four years back I had put a full stop on that chapter of my life and moved on. I never expected to see her again after all these years. I felt something funny inside my stomach. It was a strange feeling. We both stared at each other for a few seconds but none of us spoke. She turned and walked away swiftly. Her heels still made the irritating sound. I smiled remembering her irritating “tock tock.” I realised she was walking away like a stranger. Perhaps she didn’t notice me. Maybe if I had worked out a little bit or shaved my beard she would have recognised me.

I sat and sipped coffee while waiting to board the flight. I saw her again. She was sitting right there in front of me holding a big fat picture album and a book. I shouted “Hey Ayesha!!” She gave me a confused stare and behaved like she didn’t hear me. I wasn’t going to give up this easily. I went and sat near her and spoke in a clear voice “Ayesha it’s me Akash!!” She looked at me and said “sorry I don’t think I know you.” Before I could respond she had already left.

Throughout the flight I couldn’t help thinking about her. How could she simply walk away saying she doesn’t know me? I wasn’t sure what was worse, bumping into your ex girlfriend who doesn’t remember you or realizing the fact that her behaviour still affects you after all these years. It was my fault. We broke up because I realized I wasn’t really in love with her and I wasn’t ready for a relationship. I knew she was very serious about me.  She was hurt but she never said a word, she didn’t demand any explanation. We broke up and never looked back, didn’t even bother to stay in touch. I just had a strange feeling that she was still somewhere around.

Ayesha looked at the clouds flying along with her. They looked like small packets of memories to her. She wished she could open the packets and find out what they stored. She opened the album hoping to uncover some packet of memories. She went through all the college photos for the tenth time since morning but this time her eyes got stuck on a particular face, a neatly shaved handsome guy standing next to her. She looked at his eyes and remembered the man at the airport calling out her name. She nudged her elder sister sitting next to her and pointed at the guy on the picture.

The Bengaluru climate totally made me forget about what had happened few hours back at Delhi Airport. Before I could feel the pleasant climate properly I heard someone whisper my name. I turned to find Ayesha standing right before me. I was confused. What’s wrong with women? Unpredictable! She spoke very slowly almost like whispering “I am sorry I couldn’t recognise you at the airport..I kind of have this problem..I…I..I am unable to remember people..” She struggled through the last line. Her eyes looked lost and helpless. “It's okay Ayesha! I don’t blame you I am no more that handsome hunk I used to be back then.” I laughed and joked. She didn’t say anything, simply smiled and walked away.

I was still in a state of confusion when someone tapped on my shoulder. It was Ridhima, Ayesha’s elder sister. It was always a pleasure to meet her. I hugged her. “What a pleasant surprise!! How are you?” I almost shouted.

“Akash it’s nice to see you after such a long time..Hope you are doing good..I wanted to apologise to you for Ayesha’s indifferent behaviour. I understand you might have felt bad. But then it’s not her fault. She genuinely doesn’t remember you, me, or even herself.” She spoke while her eyes were still glued to Ayesha. There was concern and fear in her eyes. “One year back she met with an accident, she was in coma for five months and when she woke up she wasn’t the same. There was a new Ayesha who didn’t even know herself. She lost her memory. Since the last three months I have been taking her to new doctors, places she liked, people she loved. But nothing has worked. And finally I got Rohit’s wedding invitation I thought some miracle might happen here. But she couldn’t even remember you…I guess there is no hope left..” She broke down.

“I promise Ridhima, she will be fine.. We will help her out together...I promise..” I don’t know how and from where these words came from. It wasn’t just my tongue but somewhere deep inside someone was making me say this.

Ridhima thanked me and said “she just knows you were good friends.”

Everything looked blurred and I realised I was crying. My eyes seemed blocked by tears. This cannot happen to her. She didn’t deserve this.

Normally an open bar meant heaven for me. But tonight I wasn’t drinking. As everyone raised their toasts on the sangeet night, I kept looking at Ayesha. She sat and smiled. Everyone had started dancing. Her lost eyes looked around; they fished through the crowd hoping they would soon find out the way. She clearly didn’t remember anyone, not even her girls’ gang. The whole gang was hugging sobbing and perhaps sympathising. The more I looked at her the more I remembered the past. She was the girl who set the dance floor on fire. The first time she was drunk she had puked all over me. I hated her for that. But today I badly wished she would do that again. A part of me wasn’t ready to accept the fact that she didn’t remember me. Though I had moved on and closed that chapter of my life, the chapter remained safe inside me.

Ridhima was on dance floor and Ayesha looked at her like a small kid lost in the midst of a crowd who knows her mother is somewhere around to protect her. Her eyes and facial expressions are still transparent. She hated me for seeing through her in and out. I could know what she wanted, how she felt just by the look on her face. She disliked the fact that I knew her so well. I pulled a chair and sat near her.

“Hey I am Akash.. You must be Ayesha? You look gorgeous.” I spoke in a flirtatious voice.

 She laughed and said “Hi Akash why aren’t you on the dance floor?” 

“Because the best dancer isn’t dancing today. She is simply sitting and looking gorgeous. She used to be my dance partner in college. I like dancing with her. So Miss Ayesha would you like to dance me? Please don’t say no!”

She held my hand and we were on the dance floor. We didn’t dance like the others. We just moved to and fro slowly in the crowd.

“Ridhima says we were very good friends in college..So tell me something..about me..about you.. about us..” she spoke softly.

I laughed and said “Indeed we were and we are.. you were a terrific dancer and you never talked to anyone while dancing…you just set the floor on fire.. Don’t you wish to dance that way again? Ayesha you once danced on the streets near college with thirty unknown random people.. What’s stopping you today? We are a bunch of unknown people and I am sure you do remember dancing because you danced from your heart not brain.”

She smiled and we danced. She didn’t set the floor on fire that night but she danced.

 There was music, dance, alcohol and fun. It wasn’t enough for me or her and I knew that. She looked a bit tired. I took her hands and moved out of the crowd. We sat outside near the pool. She looked at the stars. This was her favourite thing to do. Suddenly she would disappear in a world of her own among the clouds, stars and the moon. I simply watched her looking at the sky. I remembered the times when we were together and she would tell me stories that she made up on her mind while looking at the sky. The moving clouds sometimes became a tree, a horse, a monster or even a palace. I missed her stories, I missed her. I wished I had always stayed in her life, never left. 

Finally I spoke “the moon and the clouds are playing hide and seek and the stars are sparkling out of jealousy.”

She had tears in her eyes as she struggled to speak “how did you know? I haven’t even told you this yet?”

Even I didn’t know how I knew this. This wasn’t the first evening I was with her watching the sky. I just knew. I don’t know how.

“Well you were the one who taught me the art of devouring the sky.” I winked at her.

I pointed at the most brightest star “You want me to get that star for you? It is so bright.”

She took my hands in hers and said “You can’t reach the clouds, you can’t touch the stars. I will never ask you for anything impossible. Just give me what I need.”

Time flew and we both sat there the whole night. I read out to her pages from the chapter safe in my heart. Memories that I had saved, memories that she didn’t remember. But she listened to her own story, our story. I never told her about the relationship we had shared once. While visiting the past I realised she was the best thing that had ever happened to me. She was someone who believed in my craziest ideas, someone who understood me more than anyone else, someone who loved me, and I lost her. I had seen her at her best and her worst. She always reminded me of all the good things in life.

The next day she asked me to accompany her to shopping. How could I say no to her? She never even checked out any store or bought anything. We simply spent the whole day together moving around the city. Sometimes we simply sat silently struggling with our own thoughts. I didn’t want to leave her again. I wanted to make up for my mistake. And I didn’t know how. I hoped she never remembers the past. I was scared of losing her again. I lost her once and I didn’t bother, and four years later that seems to be the worst mistake of my life. I had never thought I would bump into her in such circumstances and fall in love with her. I was struggling with my own thoughts while I looked at her. She was beautiful,not like the women on movies or ramp shows. But her smile can conquer anybody’s heart. Her fluttering eyelids could make anyone smile. The way she gagged on food was a sight one would never want to miss. The more I looked at her the more I wanted to be with her.

I was lost in her thoughts and at the same time my eyes were glued to her. I don’t exactly know what happened next but like they say the things you cannot see coming your way are strong enough to kill you, everything went blank. I was on the ground. I was hit. How? When? I had no clue. I could smell blood along with Ayesha’s perfume.

My nostrils didn’t like the smell of the room. The smell always reminded me of all the worse things that had ever happened to me or could happen to me. But for the first time it didn’t remind me of anything. As I opened my eyes I realized I was in a hospital. Perhaps I was dreaming. I couldn’t remember how and why was I there. But the worst part was I couldn’t even remember who I was. The doctor spoke but nothing registered into my mind. I couldn’t listen. He addressed me as Akash. I couldn’t recall any Akash. Who was Akash? Who am I?

My lost eyes scanned through the room and I kept searching myself and then I felt like I found myself when my eyes rested on the girl standing near the door. I couldn’t take my eyes off her. She walked towards me. She was crying. At the same time she smiled as she held my hand. She felt familiar. I wanted to ask her a million things but could speak nothing. Her mere presence holding my hand perhaps answered everything.

She held my hand tightly and kissed me on my cheeks and whispered “let’s make new memories together.”