LOL wala Government Job!! :-O

In this one year of work experience as an articled assistant I have realised there are three kinds of people- the first kind work because they like to work, the second kind work because they have to work or maybe forced to work  and the third kind work because others are working(they don’t like lagging behind). And trust me the third category consists mostly of girls :-P (neither they are forced to work nor are they interested but “hum kisi se kam nahi”) Then I have come across another category consisting of people who “work and do not work. “  You must be wondering what I meant by work and do not work.., well in their case work is rather a relative term, they normally do stuffs that is not really included in normal course of work but those are the stuffs that you find them doing most of the time. Hence they work and they do not work. And the people in this category are always satisfied with their job. Rescission never affects their job, they don’t get nightmares about pink slips, they don’t have deadlines to meet, they never have to spend sleepless nights on work, they can draw salary advance any time they wish, they can get leave anytime they wish, they are not bound by a particular office timing, they can come and go anytime they wish and they always have the “work is bliss” expression on their face. Wait did I forget the allowances?? Well yes they have every type of allowances you can think of. Welcome to Government Office!! Maybe these are the reasons why there is always a craze for government jobs.  Whatever I am going to write about government offices here do not really apply to all the government offices, but definitely the majority falling under this category belong to my State ofcourse :P (I mean no disrespect)

                 I really had some LOL experiences with Government clients. The first day I stepped into a Government office I was greeted with “they have sent a girl!!” The first thing I wanted to do then was punch the person hard on his face and say “yes look they have sent a girl!” But then I told myself ignorance is bliss! In this one year I have literally mugged up three lines “take it as an experience” “ignorance is bliss” and “patience”  Trust me it works J  Anyways no free gyan sessions over here let us get back to the place where I realised old men stalk more than young guys. The moment you enter till the moment you leave you find curious eyes following you everywhere. Your mind starts singing “mud mud k na dekh mud mud ke.”  But then you realise what can a person do when all he does is sit at a place and do literally nothing. If you reach the office at 10am it is like early morning for them you will rarely find anyone in the office.  As I said earlier they don’t have any particular workings hours or timing they come and leave as per their convenience. Their convenience might even mean coming at 12.30 pm and leaving at 3.30 pm which includes atleast one hour lunch break.  Initially you feel like all noble people work here for social causes like live green, they love trees that is why they save papers. Sometimes you cannot even take a print out of a trial balance and if the trial balance is of more than 5 pages (normally it is more than 5) you will get a look as if you just murdered 6 sheets of papers(or maybe trees that makes more sense), you are  a criminal. Ask them for one sheet of paper and they will ask you to write a requisition for that one sheet of paper. Again you need a paper to write a requisition. Most of your days will be spent on writing requisitions for files, ledgers, vouchers and sometimes even for a computer system or even for a chair to sit. Then you realise they don’t believe in the save paper save trees concept. When you write a requisition for a particular thing you have to make two copies one for them another your back up proof whatever. Your trial balance printout is a waste of 6 7 papers but the number of requisitions for every damn thing is never a waste!!

                  How can I miss the dear ladies working in a Government Office?! You really cannot make out much difference between them and a housewife. They come after 12.30 pm and you will rarely find them in the office after 3.30 pm. And in between their so called working hours they have important personal calls to make from the office phone. Their conversation might include star plus soaps to weddings, bitching and what not. Sometimes you might even find these aunties stalking you. That is the last thing you want there being stalked by women L  You might even come across some aunty who would ask you your bio data, give you free tips on maintaining flawless skin and then say “I am in search of a girl of your height for my son.” You stare at her with a blank expression. Never in your wildest dreams would you have imagined being indirectly proposed by a woman on behalf of her son!!  It is even more hilarious when these aunties ask you questions like “are you done with Sir’s internal audit??you were auditing him na?” oh yea I was internally auditing him!!These are the ROFL moments when you cannot help laughing right there on their face. During the lunch hour you hear live conversation and this time some of the uncles in the office join them. Their topic of discussion will either drive you crazy or sick. The ancestral property they could not inherit, the number of trees in their garden, the reason why they cannot pluck all the vegetables, the number of flowers that blossomed on their trees (they should rather be counting the number of mushrooms blossoming on their heads). Their debate consists of topics like kissan pineapple jam is made of papaya!

              You might even find people dozing off at any hour of the day. Your reaction “God unsophisticated people working in a sophisticated office!” But even the offices are not always classy or sophisticated. Sometimes the ceiling, fan and the walls might remind you of a black and white movie. There might even be a place inside the office used for spitting. You might even get to see dogs coming out of the office. And nobody really bothers as if it is very much normal for the dog to pay them a visit.  Did I miss out their ringtones?? Whenever someone’s phone rings your face might turn into the whatsapp surprised shocked smiley!!  And almost everyone out there would pronounce loan as “loon.”  And there will be days when you find garment exhibition right inside the office the seller would rarely have any buyers but definitely a large number of so called interested buyers will be present. You would wonder if your teacher ever told you that you were worse than a fish market then what would she tell them?! :O And it is worse when you are addressed as “stri loko” by someone.

            Sometimes they make work easier; you don’t get shocked to see their vast expenses on internet. You don’t have to bang your suspicious head on how they spend lakhs on internet expenses every month. When every employee is so much addicted to facebook and youtube and you are a witness to their addiction. Their day starts with star plus soaps on youtube and ends with colours. Almost every day atleast 30 to 40% of the employees must be on leave. Some or the other department must be closed. And at the end of the month they get a very “happy wala pay. “

            So is it the reason why people opt for government jobs?  Despite all the feel good provisions how many youngsters would like to get into such an environment? How many would like to work in such a culture? Change is a word that perhaps would never have any existence in such environment. But the craze for Government jobs will always remain the same. 

Friends-He or She?

They say a girl and a boy can never be best friends...I totally disagree with this fact specially when in my case the number of male friends is almost equal to the number of female friends  :-P  I have friends and I have best friends as well and I see no reason why a guy and a girl cannot be best friends. I believe both a male and a female friend are an essential balancing element in friendship. From the point of view of a girl let me tell you why ;)

Time 2am: Call up your female best friend and you get to hear a lovely voice saying “your call is on wait as the person you are trying to reach is on another call please stay online or call after sometime.” The voice might be lovely but the words it spoke were not especially at such an hour. You hear the whole sentence again and again. And if you are calling up a bsnl subscriber then you don’t really listen to the whole sentence and disconnect the call as they don’t fall under the lovely voice category. Anyways no matter how many times you call you will be greeted with a call waiting message instead of a hello! And if you are lucky in a day or two she will definitely text you back “hey gal!!sup?soo sorry sweetieee u had called and I missed it..I was on a call with xyz (her boyfriend ofcourse) and you know sometimes he can be an ass thoda tension tha so cdnt take your call..what happened??catch up soon baby muuuaahh “  

 Time 2am: Call up your male best friend you might get to hear the call waiting message here as well but rare possibilities. And after 1 or 2 calls you are surely going to get a reply not because your friend cares or likes talking to you more than his girlfriend but because he is sensible enough to understand that you are not jobless enough to call someone just like that at 2 am. Even if he doesn’t answer your call you will definitely receive a text. And if the phone just rings and there is no answer from the other side either he is asleep, with friends, drunk, playing or doing something important. And in the morning you will surely get a message or call from him.At any time of the day your friend calls up and you don’t receive. If the caller happens to be a girl she would call you up again or leave a text or make sure that you get back to her once free. If it is a guy, now it is an end of the world she did not receive my call!!How dare she hurt my ego?

            Suddenly you want to party or maybe just go out and have fun and you call up your friends, do they turn up? Well yes if it is him he would happily say “yea sure will be there in 15minutes” and if it is her “you should have told me yesterday? How can I go out all of a sudden? I don’t think mom will allow.” Hang out with your guy friends and you lose all the handsome stalkers you wished to be stalked by :P but definitely you attract a new range of stalkers called aunties who give you the “stay away from my son look.”  The benefit of going out with your female friends is you can share girlish jokes about stalkers ;) And if you have more than two or three male friends and you have photos with them on facebook you are lucky because all the jobless rumourmongers in the world get confused who to hook you up with. Now pictures on facebook reminds me of one thing a girl likes your picture because you liked hers! Funny but true! I am sure many of us must have experienced this. And a guy clicks like when he actually likes it or maybe he would not ‘click like’ even if he likes it.   

                             It is really important to have both he and she with you whenever you are high :-P Once you start drinking she will always encourage you with one more one more..while he would always restrict you that is enough but once you are high it is him who would like to listen to your blabbering and laugh and now it will be her who would start cursing herself for letting you drink so much! And if you happen to puke he will just disappear and of course she will stay with you with a glass of water or may even make you a black coffee if needed. But later he will call you up and say you are hilarious and cute and she would say you are a nightmare when high. If you feel like you are freezing to death due to an air conditioner and you ask your friends sitting near you to turn it off, a girl would never do that she would just say “it is suffocating without an AC.”  And a guy would either increase the temperature or turn it off no matter how suffocating it is. Another interesting fact, your best friend will be your best friend till she becomes somebody’s girlfriend and your best friend will be your best friend just to become somebody’s boyfriend. He might pamper you with chocolate filled talks and everything just to help him woo a girl. She would make you go crazy asking you a thousand times what to wear what to say just to impress him and she would never ask you anything sweetly, rather demand it as her fundamental right. She has all the time in this world to meet him but not you and you know why? Because her mom knows that she is with you all the time. And that means you get bored all the time while her parents think what a jobless friend our daughter has!!The less you see her, the less you hear from her but definitely once in a month you will get a call from her “I broke up with him.” And you console the crying soul that they will get back together in a day or two and she would be stubborn with a “no this is final.” After a day you will get to know from her facebook update and photos that she has patched up. With time the break up calls will also decrease so will the hangouts and everything. There is a reason for that aswell “her boyfriend does not like it.” Poor soul!(thank God I am single)!!And for a guy once he has the girl you helped him to woo in his court he has to play it safe. A female best friend definitely has to become just a good friend, no matter how much he flirts around. The best part is his parents will never think that you are jobless. He knows how to manage his personal and social life. Though the frequency of calls and texts might have decreased but even after ages when you meet up you don’t really find any major changes. And yes they might also be having the monthly break up scheme thing but they would not be remembering you then either they manage themselves or they have other “GUY” friends who would understand it better. But he will remember you when he needs to buy her a gift and perhaps that is the only time he might be a patient shopper.

                  

Can you imagine how it would have been without your girl friends? The bitching, the gossiping and all those fun, the girlish stuffs..who would have helped you with shopping? The mehndi sessions just like that, the fun tattoos, the nail paints, pajama parties and all that hhee hee hooo hoo!! Who would have understood your achievement when you hit a boy on the face ;) Who would have appreciated your new shoes, your new hairdo, and helped you with what to wear for a party or even just for a coffee. And all the smileys in the world would have been a waste without them after al who would have understood and communicated with you through them. And the word “Awwwwww” what would have happened to it? When you have a new crush who would have reacted with an “Awwwww you have a new crush awwww he is haaawwwtt!!”  Tell your male friends that you have a crush on a certain guy and the typical reaction “ lol!he is a gay.” As if they are the only He-Men in the world. And if you do not find a guy interesting then your standards are too high according to them.  If you are technically challenged like me what would have you done if you did not have any male friends? Who would have helped you fixing up your broken pc or selecting a new phone. Who would have fought with you continuously, teased you every moment, insult you and at the same time make you laugh and even sometimes make you forget that you are on a diet. No matter how many times you say the words cheap and disgusting you still laugh at his dirty and poor jokes.

At the end all one can say is “ har ek friend zaruri hota hai” ;) 

P.S. the above “He” refers to male friends not boy friends :P 

MOM!

I still remember the first time I gifted mom something on mother’s day which she actually liked and has preserved till now. I was eight years old then and I came to know about mother’s day through telekids which used to be my favourite newspaper back then. The first gift which she still preserves must definitely be special. It was a poem dedicated to her. I had written it myself.  Today if I see that I am like “haha” I was a kid I used sparkles colours everything to make it look beautiful, but what my mom found beautiful was my piece of writing. Since then I have never written any poems dedicated to anyone other than myself :-P  With time the handmade cards n poems were replaced with archies cards and gifts. I am the kind of person who can spend her whole month’s salary on a single day just to buy someone special a birthday gift, even if that meant I have to survive with a loan later. But even that never impressed my mom. (Though I am not employed and don’t get a salary for the time being you can say it is my stipend or savings) With time the gifts became better and better but every time she would just say thank you and the same dialogue “ all I want from you is that type of poem that you wrote for me once .” For the last 14 years perhaps I have been listening to the same thing “why didn’t you write me something?” Even the best of bags and shoes didn’t make her happy. I can’t say she was not happy but definitely it was never the best gift she expects every year whether on her birthday or mother’s day. She does not like the stuff written on an archies card because she knows I did not write it. But how can I write a poem like that? I am no more an eight year old kid? But then she must be expecting me to write even better. With the present state of mind if I start thinking of writing a poem on mom it might start with something like

My phone A/C    Dr

         To mom’s bank account

(purchase of cell phone for me)

I am sure nobody on earth would want to read such a poem except for CA articles :-P  And to some extent I feel shy. I mean cmon she is my mom she knows I love her why do I need to show that off on a piece of paper. For an eight year old it is always easier to pen down her thoughts and express her love in words for someone she loves. But once you grow up don’t you feel shy? I really can’t write stuffs like roses are red sky is blue blah blah blah...and I love you... With time I might find a bit awkward to say I love you mom just like that but my mom does not. She would keep saying “you people won’t understand a mother’s love concern.”  My brother’s reaction “stop watching star plus soaps” and my reaction lol!! There was a time when a good night kiss was a must thing for me. I would kiss her good night and mom was forced to do the same. I don’t know when this trend stopped. Maybe the day I became nocturnal. And whenever I left home whether for school, college or anywhere a goodbye flying kiss was must. But I clearly remember when this thing stopped, since the day I joined office. Why? Maybe because I never really leave home I actually rush to my office. The only thing that my mind would be occupied with is hell is waiting! She is the person who gets up daily at 5am just to make sure I have my breakfast and I take something along to eat. I slog from 6am to 8pm these days which includes my 4 hours classes and it scares her more. Back home she would always say you don’t have to over work you can leave this..That is something I am never in a mood or condition to listen to.  Sometimes when I am asleep or am trying to get up from bed almost pissed off with everything she would hug and kiss me saying you work really hard. Thank God someone notices.

                 It is true I argue the most with her as I am as short tempered and impatient as she is. There might be times when I don’t apologize for the way I retorted back but that does not mean I don’t care or I am not sorry. I know I can never be like her. I still remember the week when she was out of station and I sort of had to manage the house, trust me it is a herculean task.  She might not always support me with my decisions but she never compelled me to do things her way or impose her opinions on me. She has always let me live my life the way I want to. Anyways this is all I came up with when I tried writing a poem for her birthday. I am not sure if it at all makes sense. But this is for the person who I can run to at any moment of my life, the person whom I love the most, and who loves me unconditionally no matter what, though she loves my brother more than me . She might again tell me the same thing “you should have written something for me.”  And I guess I am not showing this to her. I might not have been the perfect daughter she might be expecting out of me but I know I love her the way a perfect daughter does. 

 Happy Birthday to the person who gave me the best gift ever – My life!!

A farewell on the death of a favourite friend!

Call it addiction, love or mere stupidity, but yes I miss my cell phone. I wake up in the morning and I feel like I am missing something. I know there is something not right, and it takes me a while to remember what it is..then I remember. My dear friend is gone.

                                                        It was always the first thing I saw the moment I opened my eyes every morning. Of course it was my wake up alarm.It knew when I had to get up at 5 and when at 8. And it provided me with the easiest way to snooze and dismiss the alarm just by a soft touch. It was always the last thing I saw before sleeping, it even told me exactly for how many hours I was going to sleep (saved me from manual calculation which I do now L) It rested under my pillow. Inspite of wearing a watch I would still search for my phone when I needed to see the time. I miss all the lovely pictures that flashed every time a dear one called up or texted. We were so inseparable that anywhere I go these days I am greeted with the same query where is your phone? It is dead!!Now that sounds even more painful. These are the times when I miss it even more. Seems like it has even made a lasting impression on the people around me. Even my friends in office console me like I lost a very good friend of mine and that just makes me realize that I was actually so damn attached to it that anyone around me could notice the void it has created. Lunch hours at office gets terribly boring without it, I miss the beauty with brains group on whatsapp. The weird part is I don’t miss talking to anyone or staying in touch with anyone, I just miss it. I miss holding it, I miss touching it just like that, and even my pillow misses it. It was a dear friend, it never complained no matter how many times I dropped it. It had been a witness to all my mood swings. It was there when I was happy sad angry. Irrespective of everything no matter how carelessly I treated it, it was there right beside me. It was perhaps the best company I had when I was bored. I find it weird how can I possibly get so attached to a non living thing? It cannot be me! I have never been like this.. It was just a mobile phone, and not even my first cell phone. I don’t know why it is so special. I would not lie but yes for the first time I long to see my own picture i.e. the wallpaper of my phone. Now that it is gone with a negligible or nil chance of coming back I can’t even find a proper replacement. I must have searched for so many phones for the last two weeks but nothing can just replace it. That just makes me feel even worse. What the hell is wrong with me? What am I searching for? A perfect phone? And nothing seems to be perfect for me like the perfect one I had. Or maybe I just cannot get over it. I can get myself a better phone maybe, but the heart stays where it is attached to no matter what.

                             I still remember its last words “quietly brilliant” and all I wished to say was RIP – Return if possible! 

This is how it goes...

The phone rings again, you miss the call just the way you have been for the past few days or maybe months. 35 unread messages in one day and you don’t bother to check whose..You know you did not have a bad break up so definitely it is not your ex calling or texting you. Still you don’t bother looking at your cell phone even once maybe because you know 90% of the calls and texts are from customer care. And rest from people who add up to your miseries. They call you up just to confirm that you had a bad day. And worse if it is from a colleague of yours who must have called up to discuss his super rocking office life and your melodramatic tragic office life. That is the last thing you wish to discuss.  At times you wonder if you still go to a school. Well no you are at work..Its just that some people never grow up even if you were more matured than them back in school also. Comparing school and office is like comparing heaven and hell!sigh! The phone rings again finally you receive it hoping that the person on the other side might cheer you up make you feel better.But the conversation makes you feel even worse neither you are interested to know what she wore to a party or what he did when he got high and nor is the caller interested to know why you had a bad day. After all they have their own happening lives, who cares about your boring dull life?  And finally the caller just asks ‘you sound weird?’ And you just reply naah I am tired. “I am tired” its a great excuse that can be practically used anywhere. That is one your favourite dialogues these days. You are tired so you cannot study, you are tired so you cannot talk, and you are tired so you cannot attend the stupid party. The reality is you are actually tired of being tired. You drift apart from your friends just because they don’t understand you..your life...and your work(sorry job like they say)... You call them up tell them everything that you go through, the mental torture which breaks you down at times. But neither they are interested to know nor they understand. The only response you get is “arey it happens, don’t let such a thing spoil your mood.” As if you enjoy spoiling your own mood.. But then they were never meant to understand it..Neither they live your life nor they have to go through all this on a daily basis. It is you who at times lives a nightmare. Faking a smile becomes easier than explaining people who won’t ever understand. You don’t remember the last time you had a hair spa or a new hairdo. You don’t have time to go for a spa or maybe you have and you are just too tired to go. You don’t really bother how you look. You already have dark circles and swollen eyes thanks to your stressful life. Before you could get any younger you realize you are getting old. Every time you see any teenagers partying at a coffee shop or anywhere you just look and say ‘once upon a time....’ You are lost and you cannot find the way out. You start losing interest in the very thing that you wanted to do. You come across people you don’t get along well with but still you put up with them. You are irritated with everything. You are tired of the same thing every day. Every morning you get up with a sinking feeling. Your monotonous life has sucked every bit of excitement left in your life. There are days your prince charming turns into a frog and you start crying and then there are days you just look at the frog and laugh. Maybe that is how you survive. But you are meant to live not just survive. You don’t fit in anywhere. The restlessness kills you. You don’t know why it is always the same feeling that engulfs you the moment you hit your bed every night. At times it is the insomnia fairy that accompanies you and at times it is the wet pillows that force you to a disturbed sleep. The only thing that keeps buzzing in your mind all the time is WHY? Is it worth it? Why do you have to go through all this?Do you deserve it? You never have an answer. What if you die today? This moment itself? Well that would be great, you will be freed from the clutches of what we call life. But then what do you do after that? Ask Him for another chance to fulfill the millions of dreams and wishes you had, one chance to tell someone how much you care how much you love them, one chance to apologize to make up for things that your ego did not let you to when you wanted,a chance to fight the fear that always held you back, a chance to live the moment, a chance to smile again, a chance to munch your favourite chocolate, a chance to buy those beautiful pair of shoes you saw the other day while window shopping, a chance to laugh play go crazy again..But all you do is stand there regretting all the things you could have done and you could not. You regret the times you spent worrying about things that were never under your control, you regret wasting tears or getting affecting by people who were never important, you regret being impatient and rude to people only because you had a foul mood, you regret every time you fought with your mom..how badly you wish you could hug her now.. you wish to fly you wish to go wild like a wolf but you cannot there is still something that holds you back and you don’t have an answer to the question what holds you back...You know you don’t want your life to end with two words on your lips “I wish” and “I regret”. You have all the answers yet you are not aware of them. You know you have miles to go before you sleep.  Every morning you still get up and say shit my life is hell!!And you smile and tell yourself learn to live in hell, heaven will eventually follow. What do we call this? Hope?life?dream?or maybe just lack of options